dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
