Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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