I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
