Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
