Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
