They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
