I must be too annoying 4 u.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
