I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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