Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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