yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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