actually, I'm a sock model
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
