Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
