The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
thus making me awesome and them whores
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
