Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
