sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize