Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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