I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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