Me. At least after what I've been through.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I stole a fireplace last night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
