So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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