Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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