you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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