i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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