ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
