And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
