Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
