There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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