he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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