Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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