I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
