ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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