where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We're too hungover to prance.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
