I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Church boner. Awkwardddd
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
