Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize