Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
