ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
