There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize