Im at strip club and am horny
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
we should paint friendship bongs
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