I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
