Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
