I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
