I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
as a side note pls kill me
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize