Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Did I show you my penis last night?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
