The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
