I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
