So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My bed is full of blood and feathers
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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