If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
