he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize