How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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