You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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