so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
