If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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