we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
