One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Randomize
