Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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