so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
