Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
