my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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