Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
