my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
