Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
