Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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