you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
