How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
