take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Enjoy the penises
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
