So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
