Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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