happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
No stitches, just platelets and will power
it was like eating out sand paper
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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