i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
